GIVING COMPASSION AND PEOPLE A CHANCE

Today at a local drugstore, life gifted me a learning opportunity.

A local celebrity was carded for buying a couple bottles of red wine along with other items on her shopping list.  I thought I could predict how this situation would unfold, but I had it wrong by any assessment.

The celebrity was moving slow, maybe even a bit scattered feeling. Slowly fumbling her probably- sixty-some- year- old hands into a purse searching for her driver’s license. She politely, rather softly asked me to go ahead, but I was drawn by curiosity and decided to practice patience for a change.

After she left, the checker and I talked about the situation. The checker knew who she was which surprised me. I assumed that she didn’t, otherwise she wouldn’t have carded her. I was also surprised by how patient and understanding the celeb was and how well . . . normal. She has varieties of junk paper, punch cards and plastic scattered about as I do in a small  pocketbook.

My lesson: a moment presents a time to be surprised by people and think better of them.  We don’t absolutely know anyone all the way whether familiar friend or scattered stranger.

Parenting gives me a chance to remember this throughout my day. I feel so fortunate to be humbled into admitting I got it wrong, after I've recovered from whatever reaction I had.

My daughter seems wonderfully complicated, complex, highly- spirited, and creative and when I feel like I’ve got her figured out and can predict her ways and needs, she stumps me like she woke up having learned a new foreign language while dreaming. How can this be when we are biologically so similar?

If our world, our culture, our community, even our street, could simultaneously remember this what a gift it would be for everyone. Don't be so sure of ourselves that we got it "all" right.

A good friend told me it takes five years to really know someone. Some premarital advice to me. My mom is 77; she surprises me constantly. And, I’m still learning about myself, decades deep into living on this planet. I guess my husband would probably say he’s still baffled by me also. I would usually say, I know my husband knows this... but I'm using guess instead.

I want to believe that each moment is teachable when our minds and hearts are kept wide open and focus on the now, certainly not the then, nor what will happen in a drugstore in two seconds.    

Be open to people now, in the moment. I try to not rely on seeds I've planted about people in the past. Past report cards, past newscasts, past difficult behaviors or conversations, past tears, past disappointments.

Life is now, this micro-second with fresh micro-seconds to give people and compassion a chance to change hearts and minds and life.

FOOD FOR THIS MOMENT

If we give this moment all that we've got, what do we do with the next one?

This was the caption for the "Between Friends" comic strip in Sunday's newspaper. The caption reminds me of a Zen Buddhist koan which is a tale to help someone reach Zen enlightenment.

Here's a second course of "more-food-for-thought":

The Delicious Strawberry

A man traveling across a field encountered a tiger. He fled, the tiger chased after him. Coming to a precipice, he caught hold of the root of a wild vine and swung himself down over the edge. The tiger sniffed at him from above. Trembling, the man looked down to where, far below, another tiger was waiting to eat him. Only the vine sustained him.
Two mice, one white and one black, little by little started to gnaw away the vine. The man saw a luscious strawberry near him. Grasping the vine with one hand, he plucked the strawberry with the other. How sweet it tasted!

Any thoughts?

UNTETHER YOURSELF FROM OVERCOMMITTED WAYS

In this moment, I'm reflecting on how healthy and wise it is to allow ourselves to not seek out perfection.

For some people, this isn't difficult; for others it's nearly impossible.

• Why do we place such high standards on ourselves? When we work through lunch do we really accomplish more or do we put our health at risk and ultimately become an unhealthy worker and individual?

• When we invite friends over for dinner, do we work so hard at the planning that when the guests finally arrive, we are too tired or stressed out to enjoy their company?

• Are we held hostage to a rigid list of obligations that we don't find time to rest and recharge every day?

• Do we pack so much into each day that we rush from one thing to another not enjoying or fully experiencing any part of the day? 

• Do we find ourselves yelling more at our children then smiling, hugging and snuggling? 

• Does making money really make us feel more secure?

Allow yourself to say no when you really want to. You'll be healthier and happier. Be someone who lives a balanced life.

A happy individual enjoys life and makes time to appreciate everything about it.

Untether yourself from hectic patterns and an overcommitted calendar.

Small steps are allowed...

SHAKE OFF THE SHOULDS

I've been following a parenting blog and I liked what I read since I am trying to eliminate "should" from my vocabulary.

The post was describing all of the "shoulds" that parents feel they should do or be. For example, my kid should be a part of this or I should sign my kids up for this so that they can learn this or my kid should be getting these grades or playing with this kid or should, should, should...

The blogger reminded me that we don't have to really do anything we don't want to do.
Make your choices on your own. Do want feels right for your child, for your family.

Don't "should on yourself."

BEING OVER SCHEDULED IS OVER VALUED

I'm reflecting right now on how I spend my time.

Our lives are made up of just moments..... that add up to time. So how we spend those moments are incredibly important, I think.

I'm considering, very carefully and very cautiously, how I choose to spend my time. As much as I work hard to not be overscheduled, I find myself there once again. No matter how much or how little I work.

What things are absolutely critical? For me having a balance in my life is most important. A balance between eating well, exercising, sleeping, and doing those things I enjoy most like spending time with family and friends, reading, cooking and doing an art project.

Taking the time to say "no" to things you don't really feel are a priority is the first step. Don't make decisions out of guilt.

Being under scheduled is under valued.

As the Chinese proverb says, "Outside noisy, inside empty."

SIMPLY SAID, BUT NOT SO SIMPLE SOMETIMES

There is no time like the present - this moment - to create good health and make good health choices. Mind and body.

Do what you know you should for the "health of it."

"Your body is precious. It is our vehicle for awakening.
Treat it with care."  ~ Buddha 

RUSHING THE MOMENT

If this moment is all that we really have, then why do we rush the moment so often?

Why do we rush at all?

It often seems like if the morning is rushed, the entire day is rushed.

Some things to consider:

1. Go to bed earlier so that you aren't waking up later.

2. Before you get out of bed take a big breath and say I'm thankful for this new day.

3. Ask yourself, "Is it really that important for me to rush?" Will the extra five minutes that I may gain make any difference.

4. Have a goal to be early to every appointment. Make it a personal commitment. It shows compassion for the person that you are trying to meet with or the place and people you are trying to get to.

5.Turn off the TV and the radio in the morning and put on some classical music or jazz or just  enjoy some silence if you can.

6. Lower your expectations of what you need to get done first thing in the morning.

7. Set a good example for your kids that taking your time and being patient is important, but that paying attention to time and commitments means being respectful of other people's time.

8. Let silence empower you.

9. Remember to breathe throughout the day.

10. Don't cram so many appointments and obligations into your day or your week.

The Zen approach to worrying or rushing or anything that causes stress is simply "just don't."

Slowly savor this day and this moment.

LEAD WITH YOUR HEART, NOT YOUR EGO

In this moment, I wanted to share something from the September "Whole Living" magazine:

10 Thoughts on Whole Living

1. Your body already knows how to heal itself; you just have to get out of its way.

2. Go ahead - vent a little. Think of it as detox for the soul.

3. Good posture isn't about rigidity, but fluidity.

4. When you can appreciate being alone, you're rarely lonely.

5. Clutter is the by-product of indecision. Make sure everything in your space is there because you choose to keep it.

6. You may not be in school anymore, but there's always more to learn.

7. True sufficiency doesn't mean having plenty, it means having enough.

8. Pay attention to how you walk. Ask yourself what you're rushing toward - or away from.

9. Transform anxiety into excitement; focus not on the fear of what lies ahead but the possibilities you might create.

10. Lead with your heart, not your ego.

Which one of these is hardest for you?

THE ART OF BEING HUMAN

This summer while biking along 65^th street, we noticed a young woman with a small table outside of her apartment building. She and a few of the other tenants were holding an impromptu sidewalk sale. Only a few things were for sale, but we found some very great treasures.

I picked up a well-loved copy of “The Path to Tranquility” which is a compilation of daily thoughts by His Holiness the Dalai Lama. 

This one I especially like: “We must each lead a way of life with self-awareness and compassion, to do as much as we can. Then, whatever happens, we will have no regrets.”

Self-awareness.

Compassion.

No regrets.

This is what I'm thinking about in this moment.

BRING HUMOR INTO YOUR LIFE

We have the choice about how we want to react to something, good or bad.

So in this moment, and even in recent past moments, I've been thinking a lot about humor and health.

Here's something to consider:

Think about whether you truly have a sense of humor. Healing is enhanced with humor and laughing can lighten almost everything.

Bring humor to everything that causes you stress. At least try.

You have a choice about how you want to react to something. Laugh until you cry if you must.

THE VIEW FROM THE TOP

There was a recent cartoon in the New Yorker that showed a climber scaling a mountain to talk to the enlightened, cross-legged guru at the top.

The climber hopes the enlightened one knows the answer to the question “What’s the meaning of life?”

He gets to the top only to find the guru wearing a blond wig and wearing women’s lingerie.

The guru says, “The first step to enlightenment is disillusionment.”

I can relate.

Sometimes I cling to expectations and about what I think needs to happen in the future, completely missing what’s most important: the moment.

So I’m working hard at sharply seeing the high definition of the moment.

I’m also working on Attitude. This deserves a capital "A". Even the masters and evangilists of positive thinking never stop practicing their positive attitude.

My acupuncturist recently told me a story that I want to generously share.

There was a mother in China who was very upset. The neighbor asked, “why are you so upset today?”  

The mother answered, “It’s raining so much today. My daughter sells silk shoes and no one will want to buy her shoes on a day like this.”

The next day it was very sunny. The neighbor saw the mother upset again and asked, “Why are you so upset today? It’s beautiful out!”

The mother relplied, “My other daughter sells umbrellas.”

Attitude is everything.

Can you answer "How do we live in the moment?"

What kind of attitude do you have right now?